DO YOU WANT A HUG?
Written February 24, 2021
DO YOU WANT A HUG?
Fuck yes. I’m a body contact person. Period. The more intertwined, the BETTER. Firm, yes please. Hold held long- oh yeah.
My best friend in high school was Heath. I love how he takes credit for me meeting my first love. Reminding me he broke up a relationship, introduced me to the boy, so he could have the girl. We chatted hours and hours on the phone in our teens. We still do when enough time has passed and one of us wants to connect. He’s usually driving somewhere for work, that’s when he has the most open time to chat about raising kids, balancing careers and keeping the spark alive with his most adorable wife, Kelly. I recall vividly decades ago when we talked about how unknowing we were at the exhaustion of having kids. He shared his turn-on tactic for his wife. “I pour Kelly a glass of wine after drawing her a warm bubble bath, walk up to her with a kiss and tell her I’ll feed the kids, read them books and get them to bed, while she takes a bath.” (Reread that last line if you have little Littles - it’s tiring - love on each other!)
I was at both Heath’s weddings. The first one was in a bridesmaid dress between many men, I was a grooms-woman. Heath’s second wedding I attended with a cutie, he is an excellent dancer. He was dressed sharply in a white button down and slacks and to this day I find him extremely handsome, love his laugh. His curiously crafted perspective is currently being shared with the world through his photography. As a preschooler, my son, sat by my side that sunny day in Seattle with views of the sparkling water in the marina. Kelly and Heath had a lovely outdoor ceremony, eventually moved across the US, have two cute kids, they’ve built a ranch and Kelly manages and maintenances the horses while he does, well, science... we will leave it at that.
Heath is a hugger. I love that about him and it has been way too long since we have had an opportunity to embrace. He lifts me off my feet with ease and crushes me! Happy.
The past year during COVID I have thought more about the hundreds of good hugging experiences I have had in my life than ever before. Duh, take away something and you have to get real if it’s worth it’s priority placement. Besties or new people I’ve spent a period of time connecting with together, I’m not overly selective. When I lived in France for a spell and the culture put cheek kissing as appropriate and hugging on the intimate side of greetings, I danced the awkward eye contact dance of yes or no as my arms lifted, reading body language to see what I could get away with. I met many on the edge of their comfort zone with cheek kissing AND hugging.
Not having the ability to hug anyone regularly other than my kids on the 2 weeks they are in my custody brings out my deep appreciation for my desire to hug.
One of my besties in college was the same. He lifts me and we always break out in large laughter out of joy. I appreciate when we talk on the phone, that same laugh and connection sparks joy
, it lights up places in my heart. I appreciate having that experience with a close friend. Thanks Bri.
This connection is achieved differently with the women I hold dear. More is assumed, understood and held gently. Maybe it’s just me, it’s different but equally missed during this global pandemic.
My younger sis, we defy all the rules. We lift, linger, giggle, grab and get-teary at both hellos and goodbyes. It’s always authentic, bursting with love and satiation is like the Bloody Mary’s at brunch- bottomless.
I miss my hugs, obvious right! Yet spending a year getting really fucking clear on who’s hugs I miss has been a gift that couldn’t have been choreographed. Taking time to appreciate those experiences and that connection, remembering specific places and moments that evoke tear-raising emotion just at the thought of an embrace, it makes me happy to be human.
Allowing elements of life to settle enough to feel this, it takes trust, love, forgiveness, compassion and practice. The awareness, the appreciation, the alignment of what I desire happens when I allow space between my mind, body and spirit.
Between my diabetes.
Between my kids.
Between my dirty kitchen.
Between my business consulting calls.
Between my meals.
Between my runs.
Between my hugs.
When I allow the synergy of who I am to sing, operating solidly from love, not fear and not need, it occurs. What I want manifests with ease, letting go of effort.
This allowing of what I desire to surface with clarity is felt in every cell, no squinting or reading glasses necessary.
I surrender, as much as I am capable. For me, this is self-care.
A few years ago my daughter and I were walking through a gift shop. I had recently walked into a period of darkness in my life, curious and in crisis with questions about who I am. She picked up this book (in photo below), placed it in my hands, modeling the same this-is-not-negotiable look in her eyes she has seen from me many times and said, “You want this!” The cover reads, "Zen As Fuck."
Like usual, she was not wrong.
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